Can't you keep my hand to yourself?!
Thursday, July 20
  Total confusion

They're heroes in a half-shell, and they're green

I'm so confused I don't know what to think. I'm most likely terrified, but then I remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, and take solace that nothing could possibly be worse than that.


Who is the greatest Master of them all?
Master Splinter
Master Yoda
Master Miyagi
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They're going in the wrong direction with this movie. TMNT3's fatal flaw was that they didn't go far enough. What we need to do is get the Turtles out of the gritty streets of NY and into OUTER SPACE. Star Wars/Ninja Turtles crossover? Turtles with light sabers?!! Who would want to see that!? Come on!!
Speaking of movies I can't wait to see, I hear Dakota Fanning did a movie about child rape?! I'm freaking buying that DVD.

Rejoice, Tony. Rejoice.
Did I say "who would want to see that!?"? Obviously, I meant "wouldn't"...

It's annoying that they can make Davy Jones' head look like real octopus, but the Turtles look like they were animated for a Cap'n Crunch ad.
Shit, I'll just be happy if Leonardo actually cuts someone with his sword. And no, not a fucking robot, no more cutting open hydrants to drench his antagonists, I want to see him draw a little blood. If they take him in a Kill Bill direction--five out of five stars, regardless of the other turtles. Six stars if they add Casey Jones.
my first thought was also how goofy the animation looked.......

J: Casey Jones or Keno?

Lee: Tonight I shall celebrate the news of the new Fanning film, thank you.
Casey Jones man, all the way. I hope Splinter kicks some more ass too, I'll throw that in there. In the movies he always looked like he suffered from a wicked case of arthritis or something.
I dunno, I like how they played Splinter in the original movie: old and not necessarily agile, but with surprising strength. To paraphrase Terry Pratchett's description of old people fighting ninjas, Splinter doesn't need to be fast. He's so good at fighting he doesn't have to dodge punches, because he knows exactly where the punch(thrown-knife, spear, etc.) is going to be and is out of the way before it gets there.
another opportunity for a star wars/TMNT crossover:

Splinter+Yoda: Sploda!

Invincible 2000 year old alien rat. Sweeeeeet.

Also, don't be hatin' on the Cap'n.
Splinter in the movies was a skilled ninja I grant you, but he wasn't close to where he should have been. He gets captured in the first movie without killing anyone. What the crap is that? Where's the ninja foresight? Maybe in one of his five prescription medications? All I'm saying is the movie Splinter could have done a testimonial for Hoveround, master ninja or no.
finally, a poll!
WHAT?!?! That rat Splinter is tying with Yoda?? Come one, Yoda kicked some little amphibian ass in the last two Star Wars movies . . . then again, the rat makes occasional corny "funnies". Hmmm. . .
I agree, it should be no contest. Yoda has been one of the greatest Jedi masters in the universe for several hundred years. Splinter is a shmuck human from Japan whose DNA got crossed with sewer rats.
No way, Splinter was the pet rat of his ninjitsu master, Hamato Yoshi, who was slain by Oroku Saki, aka The Shredder. While Splinter's size, strength and intelligence may initially be a result of the goo, he doesn't need blood-borne symbiotes (midichlorians) to enhance his innate ninjitsu skills. He defeated the shredder without moving, but Yoda couldn't even beat Dooku properly with all that insane frog shit.
First of all:
Star Wars II Dooku > TMNT I Shredder

Star Wars II Dooku bossfight >>> TMNT I Shredder bossfight

Thirdly: Splinter was only the pet rat if you believe the idiotic plot change in the turtles movie. As hilarious as it was to see a rat learning kung-fu in TMNT I, I do not accept that as the origins of Splinter. The comics and cartoons say that Splinter IS Hamato Yoshi and was turned into a rat when he came in contact with "the ooze" because he was in the sewers near a bunch of rats at the time. This theory of Splinter's origin makes a lot more sense and is widely accepted in the TMNT scholarly community.

If we're voting on MOVIE Splinter vs MOVIE Yoda, that's a different story entirely...but Yoda still wins. C'mon, Splinter looks like a cripple, gets his ass captured, and doesn't even fight anyone.
I think you're mistaken: it was only in the tv show that splinter was originally a human. The comics followed the same origin story as the movies, where he was originally a pet.

Second, in the battle of stupid names, "Dooku" is 10 times as stupid as "Shredder" At least Shredder is descriptive. But this isn't even about Shredder.

Lastly, what can movie Yoda do that movie Splinter can't? Reason with his enemies? Project his image astrally? I think it's unfair to compare young frog-yoda to old splinter, so let's take them on equal old fart terms: Splinter wins, hands down. Sure, old yoda can lift x-wings with his mind, but Splinter would just shuffle over quietly and convince him he's wrong with his wise, wise ways.
I have to concur with Lee on the origins of Splinter--it is a rare instance where even the original comics must give way to the far more reasonable, not to mention popular, television series--Splinter SO is Hamato Yoshi. However, I then also argue that Yoda is greatly overrated, he didn't kill anyone...ok maybe a few proto-storm troopers, but who cares? How many foot clan soliders did Splinter dust in his television career? A conservative guess would place the body count in the dozens. And let's not even talk about how many rock soldiers from Dimension X met their death at his behest. Yoda would probably dance around a rock soldier, maybe catch his attacks and toss them off to the side, waste a little time and energy before being distracted and having to exile himself. Splinter > Yoda. Though it really goes Master Myagi > Splinter > Yoda. Master Myagi beat up high school children dressed like skeletons and taught that fag Daniel-san how to keep fighting, even with a fractured leg...very impressive.
Hmmm, you're right, Myagi did beat up high school children. Splinter on the other hand, got his ass captured by high school children ninja-wannabes. Yoda never fought high school children, which is a shame. We can at least reason that Myagi > Splinter...
ok ok, how bout this

cartoon splinter > yoda > movie splinter


myagi > movie splinter

We agreed so far?

PS: movie splinter stepping out of the way of a retarded shredder does not make him better than anyone. I feel like this should be obvious, but apparently it needs to be explicitly stated...
Never take anything for granted. It remains to be seen what happens to Splinter in the next TMNT movie. Maybe, since they've apparently turned the turles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Frogs, they'll turn Splinter into a sage old Platypus.
Are you saying platypus>old rat ?

Surely not. And may I remind you that if x>y and y>z, then x>z.

This conversation is reaching my nerd-compacity...
I've already expressed my dissatisfaction with the new turtle style, so it stands to reason that Teenage Mutant Ninja Frogs < Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and thus Platypus < Rat. And may I remind you, what if x=purple, and y=foot? All your math is now useless!
they've apparently turned the turles into Teenage Mutant Ninja Frogs
yeah no kidding. since when can turtles move like that?!
I'll tell you when, Foosh, when they're teenage mutant ninja turtles, that's when. Lee I agree with your current breakdown of where every 'master' stands. It's really hard to be impressed with movie Splinter, though I feel I should mention he does rescue the turtles with his bow and arrow in the second movie at some point. We should add that to his microscopic list of cinematic accolades.
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